The Repentance Experience

I love Alma the Younger's account of his conversion. We remember the story told earlier in the Book of Mormon, where it talks about what happened to Alma the Younger and the Sons of Mosiah. They went about seeking to destroy the church. After doing this for some time, they were hanging out together and were visited by an angel. After hearing the angel speak to them, Alma ended up basically collapsing as if he were dead. He couldn't move, speak, or interact. He was like this for 3 days. During this time, he went through a conversion process.

After this, Alma and the Sons of Mosiah were changed men. They left to preach the gospel and had great success. Many people were brought to the knowledge of the gospel and were converted because of their teachings.

Eventually, Alma sits down to teach his sons, one at a time. He sits down with Helaman and shares what happened to him while he was unable to move or speak.

"16 And now, for three days and for three nights was I racked, even with the pains of a damned soul.

17 And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.

19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

20 And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!" (Alma 36:16-20)

I love this account because I think this is basically the personal experience of anyone who has gone through the repentance process. Obviously the timeline can be a lot different for different people, but the experience is the same. First, there is the guilt and sorrow for having done something you understand is wrong. This is the torment that Alma describes. He suddenly has a very clear understanding that what he was doing was wrong, but he didn't know what to do about it. All he could do for 3 days was to think about what he'd been doing wrong.

I love the phrase "as my mind caught hold upon this thought". I think even for more minor things, we feel guilt for what we've done, but there comes a point that we really realize that Christ made an atonement for all of us, and that we really can be forgiven. In that moment, the hope and joy that I have felt, which comes at least in part from the Spirit, testifying of Christ, and the reality of the Atonement that allows us to repent.

Alma describes that he was racked with eternal torment and that he remembered all his sins and iniquities. He felt like he'd rather be "banished and become extinct, both soul and body" than to face God at the judgement day. Once he remembered the Savior the atonement, and "caught hold upon this thought", his experience was that there could be "nothing so exquisite and sweet as was [his] joy". I think it made it all the more sweet because of the bitterness that he was experiencing before, and how polar opposite those feelings were.

While I can't say I know what it feels like to realize that I caused the spiritual demise for some people, I have definitely sinned, and have felt that torment that comes with knowing you have sinned. I have also felt the opposite, the joy of realizing that Jesus Christ is my savior, not just in title, but in action.

I know the atonement is real. I know that Christ did that for me and for all of us, and I know that even though I'm not perfect, I can repent and still be able to return to our Heavenly Father in the end. How wonderful is that thought, truly causing, as Alma describes, joy that is more exquisite and sweet than anything.

One Way to Tell if Change is Needed

Alma and Amulek continued to preach the gospel, with mixed success the people that were converted were great, but there was a pretty big group of people who didn’t like the words that were being taught.

“And it came to pass that after the more popular part of the Zoramites had consulted together concerning the words which had been preached unto them, they were angry because of the word, for it did destroy their craft; therefore they would not hearken unto the words” (Alma 35:3)

Aren’t we all a little like that? Sometimes you hear something that you know is true, but it means you’re needing to change. Our natural selves kind of fight against that, so we get angry or defensuve.

If we ever find ourselves feeling that way when someone is telling us something, it might serve us well to take a step back and really consider why it is we’re feeling that way. It could be that we don’t agree with what is being taught, but it seems just as likely that we agree but that we know it will require changes that need to be made, but we kind of don’t WANT to make that change yet. If we shift our minds just a little, we might find that to be a very good red flag to catch us from succumbing to the temptations of the devil. It could work like an extra tool in the toolbox. I would love to be able to recognize those signs and watch out for them because they can help me know what’s right.

Now is the Time

Alma taught the people about faith, and what they needed to do to gain more faith and apply the Gospel to their lives.

When Alma was done talking, Amulek got up and started to talk. I noticed that the first thing he did was to add his witness to the words of Alma. He specifically points out one or two things that Alma talked about and confirms their truth.

He then goes on to teach the people about some things they should be doing, and then spends time talking about the Atonement. This is a natural progression from Alma's topic of faith, because the next principle of the Gospel is repentance. It's hard to teach people about repentance if they don't know about the Atonement.

He talked about that infinite and eternal sacrifice that would be made in the future, and how the law of Moses would be fulfilled. He talks about applying the atonement using prayer and being charitable.

This verse jumps out at me, though. This is the call to action, with the promise:

"Yea, I would that ye would come forth and harden not your hearts any longer; for behold, now is the time and the day of your salvation; and therefore, if ye will repent and harden not your hearts, immediately shall the great plan of redemption be brought about unto you." (Alma 34:31)

Harden not your hearts. This is the phrase that Alma used to describe the children of Israel who refused to look at the staff and heal themselves. So we need to not do that anymore.

In fact, Amulek gives a sense of urgency to this process. NOW is the time and the day of your salvation. This part is individual. You have to ultimately do it yourself. Nobody can soften your heart for you. The good thing is that the timing for the blessing is described as well. Immediately shall the great plan of redemption be brought about unto you. I know when we're looking for a blessing, we have to wait for the Lord's timing. This is different though. This is what happens to us right away as soon as we try to make the atonement effective in our lives by repenting and even exercising a little effort toward that goal. When we do this, it immediately starts working in us to prepare us to meet God and for us to be ready for the meeting.

I know I can do better at preparing today rather than procrastinating the day of my repentance. He is there, waiting to give me the assistance I need, whenever I decide to exercise that option. So now is the time. 

Just Look Already!

Alma continues to teach the people about faith. Earlier, he compared it to a seed that will grow when planted (if it is a good seed, anyway).

He shares another example of faith from the scriptures. When Moses and the children of Israel were wandering in the wilderness, they had an experience. Some fiery serpent ended up coming and biting them, and Moses was instructed to raise up a staff with a serpent on it, and everyone that looked at the staff would be healed. There is something that has always bugged me about this story. I don’t understand how anyone in that situation would rather die than just look at a staff. I mean, are they out anything if they’re not healed? No. Anyway, Alma hits the nail on the head as he teaches this story. Their hearts were too hard to even do that much. And he poses the question asking if there was any way a sane, rational person wouldn’t just look.

“O my brethren, if ye could be healed by merely casting about your eyes that ye might be healed, would ye not behold quickly, or would ye rather harden your hearts in unbelief, and be slothful, that ye would not cast about your eyes, that ye might perish?” (Alma 33:21)

And so we are in life sometimes. In general, we’re pretty good, but a lot of us can kind of get to the point where we’re not even doing simple things on the off chance they improve our lives. Things like regular scripture study and saying prayers.  Sometimes we just need to get old, bad habits out of the way and take action. Faith is all about action. You can believe all day long but if you never do anything about it, you’ll never get the blessings. I have experienced this before. I want to believe, but I am just not in the mindset to make whatever the effort is that is being required of me. I don’t look at the serpent raised up on the staff, even though it is easy. I think that’s where I start: just turn my head and look.

You Have to Put Forth the Effort

Alma teaches a multitude about faith. We are all familiar with his analogy of faith being like a seed, and the way that we can know if a seed is good is to "try an experiment upon [his] words" and plant the seed, and if it grows, the seed must have been a good seed. In other words, if we aren't sure whether daily prayer is going to benefit our lives, and want to see if it does, the easiest way to do that is to start praying every day. When you see the benefit in your life, you can see that sure enough, it does bring the blessings. You now know (in that thing) that the seed was good because you saw it grow.

This is a great analogy because we have all experienced (to some degree) the growth of a plant from a tiny little seed. The part we sometimes skip a little bit is that it takes effort on our part to find out if the seed is good. We have our own work to do. We have to plant it, provide it good ground, plenty of water, etc. We all know that if we don't do those things, the seed won't grow, no matter how good the seed was to start out.

The same thing is true of faith. We have to try it out. We have to experiment upon the words before we can know for sure that they are good.

Alma explains it this way:

"38 But if ye neglect the tree, and take no thought for its nourishment, behold it will not get any root; and when the heat of the sun cometh and scorcheth it, because it hath no root it withers away, and ye pluck it up and cast it out.

39 Now, this is not because the seed was not good, neither is it because the fruit thereof would not be desirable; but it is because your ground is barren, and ye will not nourish the tree, therefore ye cannot have the fruit thereof.

40 And thus, if ye will not nourish the word, looking forward with an eye of faith to the fruit thereof, ye can never pluck of the fruit of the tree of life." (Alma 32:38-40)

I like that he explains that it isn't because the seed wasn't good, but our own neglect that causes it not to grow. If our desire is to grow that seed, then we are responsible for giving it nourishment and water, and proper soil, so that it can grow and flourish in our lives. Only then will we know that the seed is good.

Support From Above

In opposition to the way that the devil watches over and takes care of those who follow him, discussed in the previous post, we are given an example of how the Lord takes care of those who follow Him.

After Korihor died, Alma became aware of some people who had become wicked and started falling away from the right. The Zoramites, it turns out, needed some help. They were definitely worshiping, but definitely not in the manner that is pleasing to God. They were going to church once a week, declaring in front of everyone how grateful they were that they were better than other people, and then not thinking anything more about church for the rest of the week.

When Alma and those who went with him to preach the Gospel saw this, they were very sorrowful about the wicked state of their brethren, and they asked God for help in preaching to them and helping lead them back. Alma writes about how much they were watched over and protected. 

"And the Lord provided for them that they should hunger not, neither should they thirst; yea, and he also gave them strength, that they should suffer no manner of afflictions, save it were swallowed up in the joy of Christ. Now this was according to the prayer of Alma; and this because he prayed in faith." (Alma 31:38)

This is how I feel when I follow Christ's example and do what I know He wants me to do. I feel strengthened and comforted. Even with this, I am for sure not perfect, and I wander off that path. I feel His strength and guidance as I try to do what I am supposed to do. I am grateful for the Savior and all that He has done for me, and I hope I can continue to work toward being the kind of person I know He wants me to be, and because of His strength and support, I know He will help me get there.